I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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