I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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