onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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