We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
