he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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