She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
