I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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