life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
