I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
