I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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