Kareoke will never be a sober sport
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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