It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
