I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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