First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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