I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
