He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
