when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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