Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
