He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
love makes seman taste better
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
