I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
