i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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