And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
