So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
