i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
