Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
