My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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