she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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