he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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