Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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