How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
