Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he high fived his dick after we had sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
