he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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