you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
