i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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