Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
