Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
