getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
