YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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