Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
