in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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