I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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