4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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