the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
