he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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