Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
