My room smells like vodka and shame
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
