Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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