I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
