dude i'm inner monologue high
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
