OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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