So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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